Where's My Thing?

I’m sitting at my Mac having to write a list of random questions for company employees so I can write little bio’s on them and their personalities.  It’s interesting to see what people come back with as I’ve always considered myself a natural mentalist/ profiler.  I really should work for MI5, I can’t believe they have never poached me.

When I ask all these work based and personal questions, it always makes me think about my own answers. That kind of scares me. It’s very difficult to profile yourself and come up with anything positive.  I’m more inclined to consider packing my suitcase and checking in to the ‘personality disorder’ clinic.

I am constantly trying to find a way to set the world on fire and failing.  Where’s my genius? What’s the ‘thing’ inside me that has yet to be discovered and will I ever find it?  Do we all even have a certain something that is going to make a difference? Should I try EVERYTHING in order to locate it?  Maybe I should practise my soprano in the shower or I should have just bought a cello to see if I had the ability to create haunting sounds like no other.  I guess I will die trying, at least. I can’t seem to settle for mediocre.  In anything.  It’s too stultifying.

  When I’m a grey haired old lady, sitting in my rocking chair, sucking on pork chops and trifle, I want to look back at my life and think, “ Shit lady, you rocked this world.  You gave it your best shot and the results were INSPIRING!”

So why is this not happening?

Well, this leads me nicely to one of the questions on my list that I’ve been considering in the back of my monkey brain for most of the morning:

If you could give your younger self any advice what would you say? 

Here’s what I’d say to myself: 

Sit down smarty pants, me and thee are gonna have a bit of a chat.  Here, have a bacon sarnie and by the way, don’t listen to anyone that says bacon is fattening or leggings are flattering. Trust me on this one.

Pay attention, keep still and listen to this rip - roaring advice. For starters, giving something your all for 24 hours isn’t really long enough.   You can’t expect people to buy into you and what you do if you’re not prepared to keep on pushing.  You really can’t think “Oh fuck it” and move onto the next thing just because nobody else has instantly got it! Try and make a whole 8 hours a day doing ONE thing rather than flitting to several others.  Show some grit girl!
Though I would discourage the use of any addictive substances I think drugs may be an option for this element of your personality.

Stop listening to negative people.  LOSE them. Or hit them.  Whatever works. 

Find the things that make you happy and fill you with joy and stick to them.  The rest is just background noise.  Happiness, laughter and love are KEY.

Never lose your passion.  

Be confident in whatever you do no matter who tries to scupper it or demean it. The future you is remarkably confident when drunk - maybe answers really do lie in the bottom of a wine bottle...it’s worth exploring. 

Don’t let anyone else define you. You will read lots of meaningful, inspiring quotes like this in your lifetime and then forget them. I suggest you learn them off by heart.  You might make it to Dalai status. 

Now get out there and give it some dinner!

(Not holding my breath.) 

Now logic would suggest that surely I can still apply this piece of advice to my current self and get it together, right? 


And would my younger self have listened?  


 Seems I must continue in the search for my ever elusive genius. The cunning little escapist.