NB: Post contains offensive and inappropriate language
I was always
knackered on a Monday morning. I’d open
my eyes at the sound of the alarm and feel nauseous with fatigue. Except that never happened at the weekend, oh
no. My eyes would ping open and my brain
would be saying “Come on, get up, lots to
do, come on, let’s go.” On a Monday it wasn’t even responsive.
out of bed and thought about how I was going to explain my drug induced
behaviour to my boss. Ugh.
on my phone beeped on my dressing table reminding me It was Brendon’s pediatrician appointment. We had to
go as they usually liaised well with the school on what he needed support
wise. Not that anything ever
changed. I’d forgotten on Friday to ask Colin
if this was OK. Damn. I was sure he’d be alright with it but I knew I was taking
the rise with my flexible hours at work.
I got ready
quickly and woke Brendon up telling him we had an appointment with Kathy.
fucks sake. I don’t want to go. Can I
have the rest of the day off school then after?”
“No. You’ve got exams this year, so no.” I said.
“I can pass
them in my sleep.”
up! You said you’d try so how about sticking to that and getting up. NOW!”
downstairs to ring Colin. He answered in
It’s me Sophie.”
I KNOW it’s you, your name comes up when you ring.” He laughed.
“Oh yeah, I
don’t know why I do that..Anyway, I forgot about an appointment at Brendon’s pediatrician this morning. I have to go
which means I’ll be in late..is that OK?”
God I felt really bad doing this.
but it means you’ll miss this morning’s meeting.”
I clasped my hands over my eyes and sighed.
I’d forgotten that too. “But we can go
through it when you get in. What time will that be?”
“About ten -ish” I offered tentatively.
babe. See you then and you can tell me
all about the phone box idea!”
a groan and said my goodbye’s quickly.
dropping Bryony at school Brendon sat very quietly in the car staring straight
“Are you OK?” I inquired. He seemed very subdued, which was
odd. Nice, but odd.
I decided to
take the opportunity to talk to him, since he was in a quiet frame of mind and
stuck next to me in the car.
what I said yesterday? You know about
behaviour..” I gave him a sideways glance as I drove and he remained fixated to
the road ahead. “It’s really important
that you reign in a little. Try not to
react to teachers if they something you don’t like.” I looked over as we stopped at the traffic
lights. He was still staring straight ahead like he was in a trance. “it’s
really important that we get through your exams and th..”
lurched forward and punched the dashboard again and again. I froze in the seat, scared, shocked and
expecting the passenger airbag to explode.
The car behind tooted me because I was oblivious to the lights turning
green. I drove forward slowly trying to
find a place to pull up.
the FUCK UP.” He yelled. “ Stop the fucking car.” He opened the glove
compartment and slammed it shut. He put
his hand on the handbrake. “Stop the fucking car or I WILL.” He growled.
over onto zig-zags outside a primary school where I wasn’t supposed to. A woman pushing a buggy gave me a dirty look,
like I was a stupid parent who thought she could just stop where she wanted and
flaunt the rules.
I didn’t know what to do. Where had this
rage come from?
fucking talking.” He said. I stopped and
remained quiet wondering how to deal with this.
He took off his seat belt and opened his car window wide. His breathing was laboured. He leaned forward,
his hands clasped behind his neck as he bent down to his knees. He then sat up and opened the car door and
you going?” I asked. He didn’t
answer. I watched as he paced up and
down the street, tight faced and angry.
I saw him taking deep breaths and stretching his arms up high and
clasping his hands together. My heart
was racing and I felt worried and confused.
I could normally see when he was going to flip out but I hadn’t seen
A man in his
fifties with three kids in tow stopped at the open window and leant down to
talk to me.
park here love – zig zags.” He waved his arms at the connecting yellow ‘V’s painted
on the floor. “Have you passed your test?” He added sarcastically.
I know. I had to stop because my son was
unwell.” I replied, feeling like crying.
coulda drove down a few more yards, this is
a school, it’s dangerous.” He walked off chuntering about me as he made his
way to the school gates. A lot less
dangerous than my son yanking up the handbrake, I thought. But he hadn’t seen that part. He, like the woman in the buggy, just assumed
I was some dilatory Mum, with no regard for anyone as was always the case. It made me hate people.
back to the car and got in.
“Just drive.” He said.
“Let’s get this shit appointment over.”
away from the kerb and kept quiet. We
had to get to the pediatrician and I needed him to be calm. He’d tell me what
all that was about when he was ready.
We parked up
at the back of the health centre and made our way to reception. The centre was having a refurb and we were
directed to a different corridor than usual to sit and wait. The hallway was quite dim and had three
wooden doors to different clinics. We
sat down on the waiting chairs and I grabbed an old magazine and started going
through it. Brendon sat next to me looking at it as I flicked through.
a slag.” He said as a picture of Jordan came to view.
actually very clever at what she does.” I replied, glad that he was now entering into
conversation with me.
girls who look like her. She’s a tart.”
I carried on
reading the wasteful gossip as we waited for Kathy to become available. Suddenly Brendon got to his feet, arms folded
and clearly agitated. I looked up
quickly, praying he wasn’t about to lose it again.
“Come on.” He
urged “There’s no fucking way I’m going in there.” He nodded his head back to
one of the closed doors.
What’s the matter Brendon?”
you seen what it says on the door? This place is freaky man. Come on!”
I looked at
the plaques on the door wondering what the hell he was on about. “What are you talking about?”
.. Have you read what is says.” He
pointed at the door plaque. “PHYSIO THE RAPIST”
back in my chair and laughed out loud.
That was priceless. I’d never
known anyone that could take me from absolute despair to simple joy in the
space of a few minutes.
“It’s physiotherapist.” I said. “As in
fiz-ee-oh-therapist.” I was still chuckling at how he’d read it and loving the naivety
of youth despite how intelligent he was.
“It’s a name for a person that helps with physical therapy and
movement..that sort of thing.”
retarded and I’m not going in that room.”
He remained standing, arms folded whilst we waited for Kathy.
appointment went by fairly quickly, mostly due to Brendon being as difficult as
possible. I didn’t mind that as much
because at least she got to see what he was like to deal with. We went through some of the school behaviour,
the fact he’d upped onto Governors report and so on. I wanted to mention taking weed but I’d have
to do that when alone with her. He wasn’t
responding well to being questioned this morning and had burst out with a “Why
does everyone keep talking and telling?
Why don’t they shut the hell up and start listening?” Ah, so that’s what the rage had been about. I felt for him. I knew it was difficult but only he could
find a way to manage it.
We left with
an ‘open appointment’ as Brendon had said he didn’t see the point in constantly
discussing his condition with people that had never experienced it.
back to school in silence as I didn’t want to overload him. I didn’t dare say “behave yourself” as I think that would have just tipped him over
the edge. I wished him a good day as he
left the car.
I got to
work at 10.15am and went straight through to see Colin. I noticed Johnno wasn’t there as I passed his
Colin. Sorry about all this flexi – time.”
I said as I removed my jacket. “What did I miss?”
I sat in his
leather chair as he talked me through the mornings meeting and what he wanted
me to cover.
invite to World Service in a few weeks, I’ve put you and I down as
attending...if that’s alright.” He said going through his blackberry looking
for the date.
sure..” I replied. World Service was a really exclusive
restaurant so I felt honoured that Colin had asked me to go along.
“So – what’s
this phone box idea then Soph?” He looked up with a big smile.
“Oh God. I’m
so sorry about that. You won’t believe
what happened. Brendon fed me hash
brownies and I went cuckoo. Just
ignore EVERYTHING I said.” I blushed a little now I was having to explain
“HA HA! That’s hilarious. I like his style. How did the meeting go?”
came and managed to save the day for once.
Hopefully I can get him through his exams now. Thanks Colin, you really
are good to me and I appreciate it.”
babe.” He looked so sincere but then he did have those kind of blue eyes that
Johnno by the way, is he out on something?”
“He’s got a
groin injury from a charity five a side yesterday. Says he’s in agony!” Colin shook his head.
I left his
room and went to my desk. I was so going
to rib Johnno about that. I got my phone
out to text him.
MSG: To JOHN SMITH.
SOPHIE RHODES: Aww poor baby...does it hurt?
rang before I could put it down saying Hillfields School. No. No way.
Surely he can’t have done something wrong already in just two
hours. I took in a deep breath and answered.
me he hasn’t kicked off already...”
“ Err no,
actually he hasn’t but if you can come in sometime later or tomorrow then I
need to see you.”
“Oh? Well I’ll have to check with my boss. It’s probably going to have to be tomorrow
first thing, if I can. What’s the
Fothergill had to change all his arrangements this morning. The school had an impromptu visit from Victor
Churchman in respect of something that Brendon has done.”
God. Victor Churchman, the Labour MP has
visited the school because of Brendon.
The enormity of it ran through my mind.
What the hell has he done now?