Whilst I dislike that people will judge you based on “what you do for a living” we all do it to some extent as it gives an insight to what that person is interested in (unless of course you’re a zoologist working at Maccy D’s) However, we should never judge a book by its cover or a man by his profession unless of course they are a traffic warden.
I’m going to cut to the chase. I hate traffic wardens but I shall come back to this later.
As a young girl of 8 years old I remember sitting in the classroom whilst the teacher went round the class asking us all what we wanted to be when we grew up.
The usual answers ensued: A vet, an astronaut, a nurse, a model etc. When it got to my turn, I was terribly excited and replied “I want to be a Lollipop Lady!” This, to my surprise brought about guffaws, sniggering and finger pointing from all my (alleged) classmates and had me blushing to the point of self combustion and close to tears. Oh how I was mocked, by little 8 year old angels no less. The judge, jury and executioner is in us even at this innocent age!
For those of you who don’t know what a ‘Lollipop Lady’ is, let me explain. She is a kindly soul, dressed in fluorescent yellow plastic and wields a big stick with a circle on top (like a huge lollipop) saying ‘Stop -children crossing’. She is like a warrior of the road and forces massive SUV’s to stop at her will whilst she takes you across to the other side of the street. Mine used to give me sweeties too which is why I looked up to her so greatly. Sadly, I never achieved this dream position but nor did Thomas Browning get to be an astronaut. I bet he’s a traffic warden.
Now whilst I was laughed at for my career choice as a child I find as an adult I am in wonderment and disbelief at some peoples chosen profession. For example:
Janitor at porn theatre: This person chooses to clean up the ‘slop with a mop’ so to speak. After each session, in they go with latex gloves and disinfectant to remove the bodily fluids that have somehow been expelled to the floor and missed the necessary orifice. Why anyone would want to do this baffles me but I suppose they get to watch free porn from the sidelines.
Animal masturbator: A chosen career in the study of animal sperm. Nice. This can be done manually or by using a pulsating electrical probe that you shove into the animals nether regions forcing stimulation. I’m sure one can be located at Anne Summers if you’re interested. “I give hand jobs to Bulls” must be a real conversation starter at parties.
Sewer Cleaner: Walking round in other peoples excrement day after day. They clear the pipes of sticks and debris so our waste can flow freely. How on earth do they stand the smell? How do they manage to find delight in their lunchtime sandwich?
But who wakes up one morning, or after leaving school or college and gets this epiphany : “I want to be a traffic warden”
Why? I can only assume it is because you are a megalomaniac or you have lost your mind. Who wants to victimise and extort money from people for a living? (apart from banks)
You put these people in a uniform and they think they are the police. Before I start getting a tongue lashing from the ‘do gooders’ of our society I have valid reasons for my loathing. I have experienced many an injustice from a traffic warden in circumstances where they could have shown compassion. One particular time I had parked in an allotted space, paid for my ticket and left to visit the dentist. Unfortunately I was A WHOLE 3 MINUTES late returning to my vehicle because the dentist had suffered from a vomiting attack. This particular short, stout, Gollum looking mare (I do tend to pick on all possible human flaws when annoyed) had another TW (AT) in training with her so was obviously showing off her mighty authority.
“ WAIT, I’M HERE” I shouted as I ran over to my car “Come on, I’m only 3 minutes late!”
“ It’s still 3 minutes late and I have now commenced writing the ticket” she barked (Like a pitbull)
“Then. stop. writing. it.” I suggested.
“Laws are laws and rules are rules” she spouted like true evil.
Now this sort of behaviour lends itself to abuse. I won’t continue with the rest of the dialogue but I’m pretty sure that the TW in training opted for a job in retail instead.
So, dear TW’s, feel free to put your nasty black and yellow, fear inducing, extortionate tickets on those that park on zig zags, block roads or blatantly take the rise but as for the rest of your ticketing, it’s just out and out BULLYING and in my opinion it is the worst job ever.
