Im guessing that if you can hear everyones prayers at any given time that you're going to be ok reading a blog.(Hope you like it by the way) You see the thing is God, I've started to question things in life like, you know, like ..the point of it? What am I here to achieve? What's everybody else here to achieve? Now the thing is God, and I'm going to be honest with you - are you out there at all? Please don't take that the wrong way and should I suddenly die please let me in! I really would like to think you are but sometimes I wonder if it's all a made up story by man in order to control us - I mean let's be honest, that has happened a lot! I wouldn't consider myself an atheist (I like to hedge my bets, who doesn't) but I struggle to believe when I see horrific things happen in the world. Take today for example and the huge earthquake/tsunami in Japan. Now the thing is God, you are the almighty omnipotent one, so really you could have stopped that right? And is there a Heaven? When I die am I going to come up to this marvellous place with a nice fluffy cloud to bounce around on, where it's beautiful beyond my wildest dreams, warm and full of my nearest and dearest that have since passed on waiting for me with open arms? Now don't think I haven't tried to believe. I do go to church at Christmas as I love singing my head off to Christmas Carols (you must have heard that!) and I remember the Vicar saying - "There is a God shaped hole in everyone' Now I obviously didn't recognise this and have been subsequently filling this hole with cake. I have been on an Alpha course but all I got out of that was a great debating session and lovely home cooked food. I even tried to read the Bible from cover to cover in 40 days and 40 nights but got stuck somewhere between 'Thou art' and "the wrath of". I have even given up being impatient for Lent- not that its going terribly well- but I'm trying! I know all the words to "Our Father' and say it everytime I get on an airoplane. I have very altruistic beliefs and think that I do unto others as I would like done to me; as best as I can for I am only human. So, I was wondering if you could give me something a little bit more concrete to go on? Maybe you could send me a sign or something but nothing too scary as I'm likely to faint. I'd like to think that you are out there looking out for humanity and somewhere deep within me there is minuscule amount of hope and faith. But will I end up in Paradise or will I just end up being a faded photograph in somebody's album?